When it comes to choosing a divorce attorney, I have heard people say, “I want the meanest, toughest attorney I can find. I need a fighter, someone who’ll take out that shark my spouse hired.” That attitude always makes me shudder. A talented attorney doesn’t have to fight and sling mud to engineer a successful...
KEEPING COLLABORATION A PART OF THE POST DIVORCE RELATIONSHIP
Divorce doesn’t end when the papers are signed, so why does the job of the Collaborative divorce professional? While we provide an invaluable service to our clients, some of the most challenging aspects of divorce appear after the process is completed. Anyone going through a divorce will almost certainly need some help getting back on his...
HOW CLIENTS' EMOTIONS CAN INTERFERE WITH SOUND LEGAL RESOLUTION
The Unique Complexity Of Working With Divorcing Clients: Emotions On The Edge
When clients seek out the help of the Collaborative team, it is at a time of deep emotional trouble, a time when most feel they have lost their center of gravity. As such, working with divorcing people presents numerous challenges to the team. In a large part, these...
HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH HEARTBREAK
The Need to Advocate for Children of Divorce
Introduction
With the recent publication of Mike Mastracci’s excellent book Stop Fighting Over the Kids; Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations, I found myself focused on the overwhelming struggles that divorcing children must face. Children do not understand the...
HOW DO I KNOW IF I NEED DIVORCE COUNSELING?
Introduction
Divorce challenges the basic sense of who you are, who you’ve been, and who you’ll become. Healing from a divorce is not like getting over the flu where one rests, drinks lots of fluids and comes out the other side good as new.
Surviving a divorce is much more like recovering from a traumatic accident in which you...
HOW WILL I BENEFIT FROM DIVORCE COUNSELING?
Introduction
Ask anyone who has been through a divorce and they will tell you it rocks the foundation of your being, leaves you feeling lonely, flawed, undesirable, enraged, and hopeless, to name a few emotions.
During my divorce twenty-seven years ago, I was in desperate need of a roadmap to help me to better understand what went wrong –...
HOW TO BE SEPARATE AND TOGETHER
Introduction
People are always asking me "How can I can make room for both my needs and my partner’s needs in our relationship?" They go on to say that, more often than not, one or the other gets their way, which inevitably leads to resentments.
What they are really asking me is "How do we create a feeling of mutuality without undermining...
BOUNDARIES IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
A boundary is something that marks a limit. Think of psychological boundaries as guidelines that preserve your individuality from your partner’s. They comprise your uniqueness – your history, experiences, interests, personality, and values….your “you-ness.”
Setting Clear Boundaries – I am not You...
DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
dWould You Know If You Were In A Dysfunctional Relationship?
Definition
The terms “toxic,” “dysfunctional,” and “codependent” are used to describe relationships that are not working. Although experts decipher differences in their meanings, the terms are often used interchangeably. That is because they all...
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR YOUR PARTNER LATELY?
As part of my professional training, I spent many years studying psychoanalytic theory and technique. In short, my job was to help my clients examine past relationships for the purpose of understanding their present ones. The goal of the therapy was to develop Self-awareness.
After years of clinical work helping people to develop insight...