And with second & third marriages failing even more often than first marriages….
It’s clear that we, as a society, are not addressing the REAL issue here. (I don’t believe that divorce is bad or wrong… but I DO know that no one gets married wanting an eventual divorce… and that for most people, it’s utter heartbreak.) I don’t think the real issues behind divorce are money disagreements or sex.
I think those are symptoms of the root cause.
And that root cause is simply that as imperfect human beings, we often look to our partner, instead of to ourselves, to correct those imperfections. A relationship can only be as good as the individuals in it and each partner has a responsibility to be the best they know how. How we (rightfully) expect a lot of our partner, but how we also have so many unhealthy expectations we aren’t even aware of, that get in the way and sabotage things for us.
THIS is the basis of the therapy I provide for my clients - How to remain separate and connected. How to enhance your unique identity and bring it openly and honestly into your partnership and allow your partner to do the same. Because therapy, especially divorce-focused therapy, is a lot more than simply talking about your feelings.
It’s talking about and exploring your feelings, yes. But it’s also about where those feelings originated from, often earlier in life. Together, we will examine your unique history and understand how it impacted your marriage.
And this is what a lot of people don’t think about when it comes to marriage, relationship, or divorce counseling. They seek out individual counseling to “fix themselves” to have a better relationship, which is great. Or they seek out couple’s counseling to get along better with their partner, which is also great.
But what’s not so great is that neither of these models consult the FULL picture, which is the 3-part “Yours, Mine, Ours” relationship model that honestly, has been raved by some of my clients as a virtually divorce-proof model of relating to one another.
And I’ve used this model to put together an easy-to-finish quiz that’ll help you get to the bottom of the “Yours, Mine, Ours” reasons your marriage came to an end, and will continue to give you insight on how to heal in the future.