Divorces can cost a serious amount of money and money can be a serious concern for people. All those dealing with divorce or contemplating getting a divorce can run into this unfortunate distraction and lose sight of what really matters. If the marriage is already in the process of ending and both parties are coping with a divorce, it isn’t going to be helpful for either person if the cost of the divorce is a major concern. When people are honestly trying to determine if the best thing is for their marriage is to end, the focus should be on contemplating all areas of life and the relationship to see if it is worth saving or if they need to begin dealing with divorce and all the changes that come with it. To help alleviate the costs of divorce and get down to the truly important matters, many legal professionals suggest counseling for divorce.
Archive for the ‘Divorce and Money’ Category
Getting Divorced Without Wasting Money
Emotional and Financial Asset Division in Divorce
Dividing the money in divorce is fraught with emotional stress.
Untangling the financial and emotional weave of a couple’s life together as they go their separate ways through divorce adds months, or even years, to the divorce process. Even as they navigate the legal terrain of divorce, each member of the couple must grapple with lifestyle changes, new budgets, and long-held views about money, family, and what happens to the money when the family is torn asunder.
Usually, a couple fighting over money during divorce has had their fair share of battles over the issue throughout the marriage. But divorce adds to the mix because each member of the couple often wishes to be financially compensated for the emotional turmoil they suffered as the marriage unraveled. For example, the partner being left frequently believes that she or he should receive a sort of “pain and suffering” payment, since the end of their marriage is “not my fault.” Conversely, the partner who is leaving may feel entitled to a greater share of the marital assets in order to begin their new life if they’ve made significant lifestyle concessions to the other party. Both parties usually see the marital home as more “mine” than “ours” for various emotional and financial reasons.
Divorce therapy can help resolve the intense emotional conflicts both parties suffer, helping the divorce to progress toward an equitable settlement that will allow each individual to get on with her or his life. Conversely, one or both partners may use fights that are ostensibly over money to stall an unwanted divorce. Couples with children may place them squarely in the middle of the battle, arguing over which parent will manage money for the kids and how it will be spent, and in that process creating collateral damage in the form of their children’s emotional health.
If divorcing parties don’t resolve their internal issues over emotions and money, these matters may cause problems in the years following the divorce, especially where children are involved. Even couples without children often harbor bitterness towards one another regarding the other party’s perceived misuse of alimony and marital assets. While their anger and resentment may be understandable, one or both parties may become stuck in a rut that prevents them from finding new happiness as single persons.
If divorce therapy is still not sought at this point, divorced individuals often carry heavily-loaded emotional baggage concerning finances into their new relationships. The new partner is often surprised at the degree to which she or he is viewed with suspicion and mistrust when the relationship is still new and unproven. Projection of an ex’s negative qualities onto a new partner has caused the demise of many fledgling relationships and can even result in yet another divorce down the road.
Given the potential pain that could be lessened or avoided, participating in divorce therapy sessions becomes an excellent investment in the future of a divorcing individual.
Divorce Strategies: Your Money or Your Life
Money issues can both cause divorces and, in the current economy, prevent them.
Divorce is becoming increasingly expensive in today’s society, particularly in the current economy. Attorney’s fees and the cost of setting up two households with a budget that might be stretching to cover one is a complication many people who are considering divorce are experiencing. Individuals are remaining in unhappy marriages due to financial pressure at unprecedented rates – though the US economy has experienced difficulties in the past, divorce was much less socially acceptable during those hard times and was not the option it is today.
The stress of staying in a marriage in which one feels stifled and miserable is taking its toll on many individuals and their families. Tempers flare, addictions increase, and fights accelerate. Tremendous pressure is created for both spouses, whether only one or both wants to separate, and for their children. This stress may feed into other parts of each person’s life, such as at work and in their friendships. Added to this pressure is the fact that professional counseling is often forgone due to the necessary investment in time and fees.
Because of the potential for trouble in this heated situation, though, it is very important for one or both parties in a disintegrating marriage to seek professional divorce counseling. Individuals can tell themselves that the difficult economy is only temporary, but the fact is that months or years of troubled times at home can have lasting effects on family member’s lives. This is particularly true for children, who may later remember incidents and feelings from these trying times with particular clarity and assign more value to them than their parents expect.
As in the popular metaphor of placing an airflow mask on one’s own face before attending to one’s child on an airline flight in which a sudden decrease in cabin pressure is experienced, parents must provide for their own emotional safety in order to be capable of properly caring for their children. Stressed, anxious parents who are suffocating in their marriages – who often describe themselves as feeling as if they are “dying” – must care for themselves emotionally and psychologically in order to have energy for their children and the ability to reassure them of a loving and secure future.
In addition to helping themselves and their children through the immediate difficulties of maintaining a household in which one or both members of a couple are desperately unhappy, divorcing individuals and those who hope to divorce must consider their futures. This seems particularly hard during tough economic times; people are often focused only on ensuring that immediate financial needs are met. But individuals who are committed to divorcing at some point must plan ahead, and that means putting money aside, establishing their own credit, and investigating their legal options even while they continue to live with their soon-to-be-ex spouses. A divorce counselor is extremely helpful in this regard, as people considering a life transition such as divorce often struggle with the process of considering what their life as a single person will be like and how they will navigate this new and often unfamiliar terrain.
The recession is causing many individuals to put off divorce until their personal finances and the economy at large improve, but those who intend to divorce when the recession ends simply cannot afford to put their financial and emotional lives on hold until that happens.
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