Divorce counseling is a big step in an individual’s life, because it makes the divorce, at whatever stage it’s in, a reality.  No one wants to invest time, energy and money in something that won’t work, so it’s important to do your due diligence to determine whether or not divorce therapy is right for you.  Answering these questions will help you decide.

Are you considering divorce, going through a divorce, or recovering from a divorce and:

-paralyzed by fears and uncertainty about the future?

Some individuals dealing with divorce wonder where they are supposed to go from here.  Having expected to fill the role of “spouse” for another person until death did them part, they have trouble envisioning themselves as single persons.  A divorce therapist can help you rediscover yourself and decide how you want your life to proceed after divorce.

-afraid that there is no such thing as life after divorce?

Some people, particularly those who have been married for many years, identify so strongly with themselves in the role of spouse or are so attached to their exes that they truly don’t see any such thing as life after divorce.  A divorce counselor can help you reframe your thinking in terms of possibilities, not losses.

-afraid that you will never be happy again?

In our society, happiness is strongly associated with emotional and financial security, and most marriages offer more of this than the single life does.  Although people can feel lonely in relationships, loneliness is more difficult to dispel as an unmarried person simply by the lack of proximity to another adult.  Money problems can also decrease happiness levels by making newly divorced and separated persons wonder if they were better off in an unhappy marriage than they will be after divorce.  A divorce therapist can help you deal with these fears by encouraging practical changes to lifestyle and budget and helping you rethink your beliefs about money, stability, and their effects on your happiness.

-frightened because this is your first time on your own and you don’t know where to start?

Particularly for those who married young, divorce may mean that they are on their own for the first time in their lives.  These individuals may feel particularly vulnerable as they establish new households.  Divorce counseling can help you ensure your practical and emotional needs are met while offering moral support in this new venture.

-struggling to let go of your spouse to the extent that you worry that there is something wrong with you?

Letting go of someone you once loved is extremely difficult, but some people have trouble doing this to the extent that it interferes in their daily functioning.  This may come up as a range of feelings, from anger and rage to love and longing.  Expressions of the inability to let go can range from all-consuming thoughts of your ex to writing or calling your ex incessantly.  Some people even break the law in an effort to get the attention of an ex.  For example, they may stalk the person or vandalize their property.  Divorce therapy can help you accept the loss of your spouse and let go of the relationship so you can move on with your life.

-fighting feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness?

Divorce can generate feelings of failure that lead to a loss of self-esteem and eventually depression.  Though people recover from these feelings at different paces, some get stuck in this stage and suffer from increasing degrees of self-pity and bitterness that compromise their ability to enjoy life.  A divorce counselor can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel and gently challenge you to make the most of your new life.

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